Today is day 190 of my official meditation streak on the Waking up course. The actual streak is longer. There was a bug in the mediation program, and it reset my counter. I didn’t complain the first time it happened. It happened later, and I complained then. And several times.
I know my stream is at least 212 days because I wrote this post, Waking up with my personal coach, 212 days ago. And I was already days into course. Once upon a time, I figured out the actual starting date. Maybe I’ll recover it.
Maybe not.
That’s not the point.
Here’s the point.
When I meditate, I sometimes have insights. Like all things, they arise and then pass away.
A while ago I decided that I wanted to preserve—and expand—those insights by writing a little every day. But I had no self-discipline, which I wrote about here.
I’ve got some catching up to do, so here are a couple of things, top of mind.
So this is day 1 of daily blogging.
What attention feels like
A few weeks ago, Sam Harris asked me to pay attention to “what attention feels like.” I saw it as just something else arising in consciousness and wrote about it here.
Today he asked again. And this time it felt quite different. I saw attention as a living thing, not just a quality of mind. It was a little endlessly questing creature poking its head everywhere. Relentless. Unceasing. It felt like a liquid seeping everywhere.
These were not pleasant images.
They came with intense feelings of sadness.
I don’t know why I felt that way.
I don’t even think “Why?” is a relevant question.
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