Monday, June 3, 2019

Day 191: Self guided tours


Photo credit: Annie Spratt
The other day I thought about creating a self-guided meditation. Instead of Sam Harris’s voice giving me instructions, I would record my own instructions. Even better, I could create the audio by recording a bunch of snippets, and then annotating them with time stamps. An app would produce an audio file with the snippets placed at the appropriate times.
Alternatively, the app could create an audio file with a somewhat random selection of those snippets.
But to start, here’s my own idea for a guided meditation, just for me:
Take your seat, close your eyes, and take a few deep breaths.
Now extend your attention as far as you can in every direction, and be as aware as you can of a much of the universe as you can.
Extend your attention to the furthest points in space and the most distant parts of time.
Now let your attention drift inward to your galaxy, and your solar system, and your planet, and your town, and your body.
And now let yourself become more aware of your body in space, and let that awareness resolve into a cloud of sensations.
And among those sensations are the sensations of breathing, so let your awareness focus on the sensations of breathing.
And now focus on the sensations of breathing at your nostrils.
And now expand your awareness to include your visual field, the darkness behind your eyes. Stare intently into the part of that field that’s in front of your face.
Now expand your awareness to include the part of your visual field that’s at the periphery of your visual field….
… and further expand it to include the part of the field’s that behind your head.
Now return your attention to the sensations of breathing.
Now each time that your breathing transitions between inhaling and exhaling become aware of any thoughts that begin to arise in consciousness.
Each time a thought arises, just observe it closely and allow it to pass away.
….

Sunday, June 2, 2019

Day 190 meditating. Day 1 blogging

Today is day 190 of my official meditation streak on the Waking up course. The actual streak is longer. There was a bug in the mediation program, and it reset my counter. I didn’t complain the first time it happened. It happened later, and I complained then. And several times.
I know my stream is at least 212 days because I wrote this post, Waking up with my personal coach, 212 days ago. And I was already days into course. Once upon a time, I figured out the actual starting date. Maybe I’ll recover it.
Maybe not.
That’s not the point.
Here’s the point.
When I meditate, I sometimes have insights. Like all things, they arise and then pass away.
A while ago I decided that I wanted to preserve—and expand—those insights by writing a little every day. But I had no self-discipline, which I wrote about here.
I’ve got some catching up to do, so here are a couple of things, top of mind.
So this is day 1 of daily blogging.

What attention feels like

A few weeks ago, Sam Harris asked me to pay attention to “what attention feels like.” I saw it as just something else arising in consciousness and wrote about it here.
Today he asked again. And this time it felt quite different. I saw attention as a living thing, not just a quality of mind. It was a little endlessly questing creature poking its head everywhere. Relentless. Unceasing. It felt like a liquid seeping everywhere.
These were not pleasant images.
They came with intense feelings of sadness.
I don’t know why I felt that way.
I don’t even think “Why?” is a relevant question.